The light at the end of the tunnel

Six weeks post-wedding and here we are! This will be my last wedding related post. I couldn't leave you all hanging at the 2 months-to-go mark so here is a synopsis of the craziness that happened at the end.

{Since this is the last "getting married" post, I just want to remind anyone who is reading who needs some helpful links and vendor recs to see the Wedding Links page under the "More.." tab.}

Where we left off ...
     Engagement photos: We had wanted to do these in April. Then we wanted to do them in May. Then we scheduled them for mid-June. With everything we had going on at the time, we sprung for the extra $200 to have the photographer come to us in NY from his home base outside Philly - which was well worth it. This was one thing I had initially thought I was not going to do at the beginning of my engagement, but boy am I glad I did. Not only do we now have tons of professionally done pictures of the two of us (as opposed to only having a handful of photos taken with smartphones on tipsy nights in poorly lit bars, clubs, or restaurants), but we also got to know our photographer and have a lighthearted "date" of sorts with each other to ease some stress.

     Flowers: Last we chatted flowers were not done at the two month mark. Thankfully all it took was a skype date with a smaller mom & pop florist shop and a bit of chemistry to check this off the list. I showed her a few pictures of flower arrangements I liked based on my likes and dislikes I sorted out from the first shop we almost contracted with.

     Transportation: I ended up feeling frazzled enough that I ended up putting this in the hands of my then-fiance. He contacted my brother who knew of bus companies in the area from his fraternity events-coordinator days and he called up a few limo companies found via google. We calculated the best way to limit the number of vehicles we needed by deciding to transport the bridal party around in shifts using one limo, and likewise scheduling shifts with one school bus for transporting our guests between the hotel and reception venue.

     Favors: We knew we wanted something that was not going to be thrown out when people got home the next day. We didn't want a personalized trinket or "souvenir" to send our guests home with. So my mom suggested we give away Hope's Cookies, a local mini-chain in the Villanova area that baked and packaged the cookies in pairs for us. All we had to do was pick them up. It was perfect.

     Seating Plan: This was tricky. We only had approximately 2 weeks to sit down and do this and its really the type of chore that you just have to buckle down and get it done.

     The Extras: The last week before the wedding there were, of course, a million little extras that needed to get done. At first I was not going to take that entire week off from work, but boy am I glad that I did! I needed the time to finish all the miscellaneous details and feel secure that we did all we could to make it "perfect".

     The Big Day: Surprisingly, the entire occasion went off without a hitch on the day of - except for my own nerves of course. All the details were perfect, the flowers were perfect, the DJ was perfect. We had an amazing time and really enjoyed our celebration. If you are planning your wedding in the greater Philadelphia area please see the wedding links page (under the "Extras" tab) for our vendor suggestions - we LOVED each and every one of them.

     The Honeymoon! YAY! The best part of everything! We booked in June for the end of August. We wanted somewhere non-traditional after our bold original plan of going to Italy fell through. I knew it needed adventure and relaxation to appease both of our interests so we chose Belize! It was absolutely fantastic and we would go again in a heartbeat. Beach, ocean, snorkeling, Mayan ruins exploration, swimming with sharks, zip-lining, fantastic food, we couldn't have asked for more!

Two Months and Counting

A couple of days ago I passed the two-months-until-the-wedding mark. This is absolutely terrifying - how can this be moving so quickly!!

Here's an update on where I'm at, whats going well, and what has been trickier than I could have thought.

The Dress:
Last time I told you my dress was on the way - well it finally came at the end of July and the alteration we made looks great! It was so great to finally see it again after 9 months of waiting. Time to finalize shoes before my first fitting!

The Shoes:
Speaking of shoes, I found a pair that could potentially work while shopping with my sister for her shoes. Ironically, the shoe we picked for her looked so cute and was so comfortable (for the 10 minutes we spent walking around DSW anyway) that I ended up buying the same shoe. Normally, I have the inkling that this is taboo... but I'm not sure I really care. I like it, its comfortable, my sister likes it, it goes with her dress, what's the harm? I probably will keep my eye out anyway in case I do happen to stumble upon something else... but in the end I'm not sure there's actually a problem with wearing the same shoes as others in my bridal party. I also don't really buy into the concept of wearing shoes all over your house for 3 months straight to break them in so I feel a sense of flexibility with this issue that I think others tend to put more pressure on.

The Invitations and the Guest List:
This is the crux of the stress with wedding planning. The storm has not fully hit yet, but it's coming. We have a family friend writing out the addresses in calligraphy and so we have been sending them out as she has completed them. If you have not yet planned a wedding or if you have the type of budget that you can afford to invite everyone you've ever met to your wedding, this may seem like a terrible thing to say. However, we have a limited budget and there are a handful of individuals we would like to invite that we have been thinking about because inviting everyone may or may not make the numbers borderline unreasonable. This has caused a lot of pressure and stress and hopefully it will pass without any major issues with us being able to include everyone we would want. Once this is settled, the chore of seating arrangements will begin.

The Flowers:
... Are not yet booked. That's right folks! I'm just about screwed when it comes to flowers. I know next to nothing about flowers which made me hesitant to jump into this task. My mom and I went on a trip at the very end of April and had been talking and trying to negotiate a contract with a florist, but by the end of May it fell through. So now I'm scrambling. Part of the reason it fell through was lack of comparison - after talking to this florist and seeing the prices we soon realized that this place was far over priced. After talking to a few friends who have been through wedding planning my realization about price was confirmed. In hindsight, we should have compared more florists at the beginning of our search and, in a perfect world, we should have been more assertive about our budget from the get-go. Unfortunately when working and coordinating multiple wedding plans at the same time in the setting of regular life commitments time got a bit away from us on this one. This week I've contacted several florists in an attempt to quickly negotiate a contract that we will hopefully be able to finalize by the end of next week.

The Tuxes:
This chore I placed directly on Howie's shoulders. If he shows up in khaki's, oh well!

The Transportation:
We've had an idea about what transportation we would like to have, but we just started the research this week ... more to come on this topic once we know more.

The Rings:
This was incredibly easy to finalize. We went to the same jeweler where Howie purchased my engagement ring to select styles. They should be ready for pick up in a week or two (a month total from our visit to the jeweler).

The Centerpieces:
We have decided to do these ourselves. Costhelper.com states moderate flower centerpieces are about $50 per table, and the price can quickly go up. We are expecting to have 13-15 tables. I'm not a girl who's really into flowers anyway, so we decided to do an arrangement of vases and floating candles for a little under $20 per table. We were very fortunate that our venue offers a few extras which include 10-inch flat mirrors for each table with 3 votive candles. We also plan to add flower petals in the same colors as the flowers in the bouquets once those are finalized. Other than the petals, this task is checked off the list!

The Honeymoon:
We were a little late to the game on this too, but for good reason. On average, couples book their honeymoons 3-4 months before their wedding. We held out because of flight pricing. We had a dream honeymoon location, but due to the costs and our position in life, we'll have to postpone that trip. Instead we just booked our honeymoon location in a different spot we had not previously consider and we are incredibly excited! We still have to organize our schedule with the various excursions included and book our flight. But overall, its a trip on a better budget for us with the same balance of excitement and down-time we were looking for. We are keeping it a secret (as best I can) until we depart, but it will involve beach, adventure, and relaxation!

The Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party:
While this was not something I was an integral part in planning, its still an integral part of preparing to get married. We did both events in one weekend to ease planning with my friends and my work schedules and it was a blast. The shower was perfect and the bachelorette party was absolutely crazy. I couldn't have asked for a better time. Shout out thank yous to my sister, my bridesmaids, and my besties for all your help with this!

More to come soon on flower finalizations, transportation, engagement photos, favors, and seating plans! Bring it on! 

With 95 days to go....

... I still have a bunch to do! Getting married is a LOT of work. Let me fill you in from where a left off as a sort of sequel to my last post about getting up to speed.

Here is what's happened since where we left off:

The Save-the-Dates:
This caused some mama-drama with guest lists and who needed to receive save-the-dates. I'll spare you the details but we designed them ourselves and printed them through 123print.com. They were very inexpensive and we chose to send them as postcards. We ended up sending them primarily to family and the extras went to friends who lived away and were not part of our everyday conversations. I highly recommend this website for this detail since, lets be honest, who wants to break the bank on save-the-dates? If you are money conscious, this is a great way to go.

The Dress:
I knew I wanted to get my dress at a local boutique. My mom had a budget established for how much she was willing to pay, so we called around the neighborhood and found a few shops throughout Westchester County that had dresses in our range. I had perused several magazines and websites looking for styles I was interested, but being the indecisive (though I prefer to say open-minded) person that I am, I wasn't sold on anything particular other than the fact that I did NOT want strapless. I did not want to have to even think about being worried about having to pull my dress up all night. Of course at each store I visited, the sales ladies found a way to attempt to put me in a strapless dress, and each time the dress was beautiful, but not worth the worry. After two separate outings I found it! I wasn't sure it was the one at first, so I left it behind. But I couldn't get it out of my head for the following 2 days so I went back to try it on again and was still attached, but still nervous. There was one detail about it that I didn't love. After some discussion with the owner of the boutique, we inquired with the designer whether we'd be able to change the detail I wasn't fond of. It was possible, though it would push the cost from being under budget to slightly over budget, my mother agreed to it and we put the money down! After a long wait (since September!) it should be arriving by the end of the month.

The Bridal Party: 
This was challenging for me. I dragged my feet and waited until the last possible second to select the individuals I wanted to be in the bridal party. I have about 10-15 close close girlfriends and that's it. I'm not the type that has expansive groups of friends from here and there and everywhere. With that, I knew that I felt 10-15 bridesmaids would be far too overwhelming for me, so to pick and choose gave me quite an emotional roller coaster. My advise: give yourself time, breathe, and follow your heart. If you are choosing people for the right reasons, your friends will understand.

The Bridesmaid Dresses: 
We did this primarily online, we wanted to find something that would be comfortable, cocktail length, styled well on girls with different body types, and would be easy to coordinate purchase with some of the girls living out of state. We hunted online for a designer we liked, looked what stores the designer was sold in, and went from there. When all was said and done, we ended up ordering the dresses from the same boutique where I got my dress and it was a fairly painless process.

The Menu: 
This was super easy because everything is being done by our venue - we did not need an outside caterer. We scheduled a day, taste tested the menu, and decided. Done. A word to the wise: While you may find a venue that you LOVE for its space and aesthetic, please please please seriously evaluate if you can find something just as gorgeous that has their own caterer. If you need bring in your own caterer it will load on an excessive amount of research, budgeting, and time you will have to devote to finding a caterer in addition to finding all the other things you need. In short: pick a place that does it all! 

The Cake:
We have not finalized the cake itself, but we did go on our tasting trip already. We went to two bakeries and they were INCREDIBLY different. Thank goodness we made the effort to take the trip and see multiple people. It matters - just do it. Of note, I'm sure this sounds like a "Duh" suggestion, but keep in mind we are planning our wedding from away, so every in-person meeting for us is a big effort. I'm sure we would have tasted more bakeries if we lived closer to the venue.

The Registry:
FUN FUN FUN!! This was my favorite part. It took me approximately 4-6 weeks to put it all together because of my obsessiveness with finding exactly what I want. I registered at two common places, no Pottery Barn or Crate & Barrel for us. However, I am extremely excited about the items we selected. Give yourself time to indulge in this - look online, go to the store, plan to do it in multiple stages. At first it can seem incredibly overwhelming with the multitude of options you can choose from and the number of things you may or may not need.

The Invitations:
I am IN LOVE with my invitations. We got them from a shop recommended to us by a friend. My mom and I went through several huge invitations books in one sitting and narrowed it down to two. We went home to sleep on it, and I dragged Howie out a week later to make a final decision. We picked the invite and then selected the fonts. We got our proofs within a week and the final delivery within two. It was super easy and I would recommend this shop to anyone... so if you live in the great NYC area and are interested, let me know!


That just about covers where we are up to now. Stay tuned for more wedding adventures as we begin to tie up all the loose ends! 

Have no fear, the camera's here

So way back in July we had out photographer booking escapade. I was crumbling under the perceived pressure of my life and the need to book soon combined with the never-ending, in-depth group projects at school. After a few temper tantrums, Howie took the reigns.

With that said, after several weeks of searching and negotiating, we signed a contract with Tyler Boye Photography. I promptly 'liked' them on facebook and have been stalking their pictures as they post them since we booked. We are very excited about this decision and we are looking forward to planning our engagement session in the spring!
A word to the wise: Start early!! Unlike music, which was a piece of cake, sifting through photographer's websites and online portfolios is time consuming, especially because you are looking for that right style for your personality.

Another word to the wise: Speak with photographers on the phone. Most have extensive online portfolios that give you a great sense of the photographer's style; therefore, unless you are obsessive about seeing album styles in person, it's not a necessity to go meet with the photographers if you can speak with them on the phone.

Finally: Do not be afraid to negotiate this one. I'm not great at negotiating, but after putting the job in Howie's hands, we were able to get our dream studio at a more reasonable price. Keep in mind, the photographer can be pricey, ranging from $1,000 to $10,000. You'll want to establish a budget range ahead of time and know how much flexing you are willing to do. Ours started at $2,000-$3,000 and we are ending up in the $3,500-$4,000 range to give you an idea.

With the photographer out of the way, it's on to the next big thing - the dress...

Getting the party started - Music

Time for a wedding planning update! I know some of my dedicated readers already know a bit about what has been going on, but its time to fill everyone else in with sprinkled tidbits for anyone currently or future planning. 

We recently hit the 14 months-to-go mark and decided lets get our music and photography out of the way now at the same time. Well folks, its really hard to knock out two things at once when you also are a full time student and your fiance is doing an internship. The good news: we've booked our music! 

So here's the lowdown: The decision between band versus DJ will come down to mainly two issues: personal preferences versus budget. In the area we are looking to hire from bands - true bands with a minimum of 4 people, start at about $3,000 and can go upwards of $10,000. DJs, on the other hand, can start at about $500-$700 and go up to about $2,000. So if you knock out the high-ballers and low-ballers, you get a comparison of about $5,000-$6,000 to $1,500. Big difference. Given that our venue is a bit of a splurge, the music had to fall into a certain budget to remain acceptable to the paying parties. Hence, we chose to go DJ. 

A word of advice: Prices and quotes are often not online for bands or DJs. Don't be afraid to send emails to whoever seems interesting to you. Then create a folder/label in your inbox for wedding, and maybe even a sub-folder for music if you anticipate having to sort through many emails. 

During our search, we always received prompt email responses, whether it was band or DJ. This was great because we did not have to worry about scheduling time to speak over the phone. It also made it easier to schedule a day to go visit the area and make it a productive trip by seeing several entertainers in one day. (Remember, this advice is coming from someone planning a wedding over 2 hours away from where I live). At one point we questioned whether we would need to meet the DJs in person... after all, its not like they are playing music themselves. With bands, you would want to know if you like the singing voice, the style of their covers, etc. From the little research I did, sometimes bands will have a showcase, a non-wedding event that you can listen in on, or demos to show you in person. That's as far as my knowledge goes with regards to researching/choosing a band. It's true, DJs are different. However, Don't be fooled - meet with DJs before making a decision. We met three in one day, and each one was extremely different. You'll want to see the personality of the individual DJ in addition to hearing what they have to say about how their business works and how they present the information. We learned more by meeting these DJs in person than we ever would had we just picked someone online. By the time we got home, we had one definite rule-out and were very torn between the other two DJs - in a good way. We knew both would be great, we had no worries about that. But each had something a little different to offer that we really had to sit down and weigh out which DJ felt like a better fit for the type of event we want to have. We had to take into account our venue setting, and our guests' styles. Ultimately, I think and hope we made the right choice!

Here are some closing tidbits that may be useful:

• WeddingWire and theKnot both have ratings that can be very useful as an initial guide. This was the first experience I've really delved into WeddingWire's website and actually found it very helpful. It will get posted to the wedding links page. 
• We found out "booking time" for DJs is within the 9-12 month window; we happened to be a bit ahead of the game. 
• Questions to ask: 
• Do they MC? Do they bring an assistant?
• How far in advance do they arrive? Is there a fee associated with that?
• Do they cover cocktail hour?
• Do they offer lighting?
• Are they required a hot meal/vendor meal? 
• Where is their back-up equipment kept on the day of the wedding? 
• What happens if they die on the day of your wedding?
• How flexible are they with "must play" and "do not play" lists?
• How do they handle song requests by guests that are on your "do not play" list?
• If the crowd needs some encouragement, how do they get the party started?
• Do they tend to be more hands on, or more hands off?
• How long have they been in the business?
• Do they coordinate with the venue/maitre'd with regards to "special moments" during the reception?
• And of course: cost, payment schedule, overtime fees, etc...

Pre-Cana Weekend

Last post to catch you all up on the process: 

Being Catholic, and planning to get married in the Catholic church, we are required to complete pre-cana. This was the most recent thing we completed in our preparations, so you'll be all up to date on the wedding planning at the end of this post.

The "when" and "how": I've heard and read about several different ways the course is set up. Some churches have pre-cana set up as a one day marathon of talks and discussions. Other churches treat it as a real course in which you go for 1 hour once a week for 6 weeks. Ours was a weekend in which we were to attend a 5 hour session Saturday and a 4 hour session Sunday, including a mass. Villanova offers only 3 weekends a year to choose from and they book up fast. We opted for April this year instead of waiting until November '12 or February '13 because I'll be new to the workforce, have no idea where I'll be working, what my schedule will look like, or how much time off I'll be allowed. The weekend was technically booked, but the coordinator sneaked us in because of our situation.

A word of advice: If you are Catholic and need to do pre-cana (I don't know if other christian religions have the same thing or something similar... anyone know?), look into this immediately after booking your date so you can plan accordingly. Every parish has different requirements and regardless of the length of your engagement you will want to at least have an idea of where and how pre-cana will fall into your timeline.

The "who" and "what": We were one of 35 couples to attend out pre-cana weekend. It was hosted by Villanova's wedding coordinator and the "pre-cana team." This team consisted of an individual who I'll call the moderator, 3 married couples, and a priest. The moderator guided us through the talks and introduced the speakers, and the priest offered an opportunity for reconciliation and gave the mass on Sunday. The couples spoke on 4 topics, communication, finances, sexuality, and spirituality. These topics were chosen because, as the moderator put it, "The three biggest things couples fight about or divorce over is money, sex, and God, in that order. And its all usually related to a lack of communication." After each presentation, we took 10 minutes to write our feelings about the topic, and then 10 minutes to talk to our fiance about what we wrote.

There were no discussions about pre-marital sex, or living together before getting married, or any of the things you might fear to come up at pre-cana. It was a weekend to reflect on the issues of marriage, as opposed to the issues of getting married. Most of the topics and questions were issues Howie and I have already talked about, or have tip-toed around, so it was a good opportunity to reflect on what we already agreed on, or decide how we would progress together if we disagreed.  All in all, it was a stepping stone and something we were able to check off the list.

Side note: Because the couples usually come from far away, Villanova was crafty and set up a 2 hour music session at the church Saturday night in which we got to hear samples of the musical selections to be played/sung during the ceremony for us to choose what music we want to play. We were required to choose musicians, instruments and cantors provided by Villanova. It was really a nice treat to do some planning as just the two of us.  This will probably vary depending by church so another thing to keep in mind is who provides the music during the ceremony. 

Let the planning begin!

After about 8 months of being engaged with no wedding planning attempted, I finally started to feel ready to dive in a little bit back in August of last summer. I knew what church I wanted to get married in (St. Thomas of Villanova), so I contacted them to find out what I needed to do to get started and put my name on the infamous list. The university is a popular place to get married, and therefore their church has A LOT of rules to follow. Fortunately the rumored 4 year waiting period was wrong. In fact, we could not book our date sooner than 18 months in advance (actually a good rule because otherwise I'm sure the list could become 4 years long). There were also other deadlines and paperwork. Because we were not parish members, we had to find a priest who would be willing to officiate our mass and we needed to have a letter of permission from the church to which we currently belonged.

A word of advice: Regardless of where/when you want to get married, decide on a church first and contact them to see what they need from you to set a date. If you are Catholic, you probably will need to be a registered member of the parish and you may or may not need certain documentation of your baptism/confirmation among other things.

Next was the venue. Late last summer I began the search. At first I started with Google, but I soon realized the results were not necessarily tailored to what I was looking for. That's when I stumbled upon the Knot. I made a username and got access to search engines tailored to wedding venues/vendors. I was able to search based on location, cost, accommodations and more. I was also able to save venues I liked for later. I used this as the launching pad.

A word of advice:  Look into a wedding website to at least create a username to take advantage of their features. Some sources nowadays even recommend developing your own wedding website for your guests to utilize for information about registry and details about your shower, bachelorette party and the big day itself. See the "About wedding planning" Page for additional useful links.

We got a list together and my fiance, parents and I took a trip. We were able to see 3 places in one day, each appointment lasted between 1-2 hours. We got a full tour of the facility and then sat down with the facility's wedding coordinator to discuss the details of the wedding package and costs. By the end of that day we had a place in mind that we wanted.  However, we were still 5 months out from being able to set our date and officially book, which we had told each place we had seen. We went home, went over the details and made a mental commitment to our favorite venue.

September - January was pretty low key for us as far as the planning went. We continued working with our local parish and the church at Villanova to get all of the paperwork done. As January arrived we were prepared. We had our date in mind and we knew our venue had it in mind too. February 1st we called... we got our first choice date and time! That afternoon we called the venue.

Surprise! They changed their package! Yikes. This threw me for a loop. They gave us a week to decide. In typical me fashion I became neurotic crunching numbers and looking for other locations that were less expensive. Howie got pretty sick of my antics, but I couldn't commit without knowing I had considered everything and was 300% sure that we wanted to make this place work. I even made my parents take and impromtu trip back to Philly to look at three more locations that were more cost effective. We were sorely disappointed with them in comparison to our dream place. Impulsively on the way home I said lets do a drive by of the original venue. We got there and I fell in love all over again.

Lesson learned: Yes, its nice to have time to be "la-dee-da," but keep tabs on things when/if you have lags of time between decisions. In hindsight we should have called the venue before booking the date to ensure everything we had previously discussed was the same. This would have given us buffer time and prevented the neurosis outbreak I had.   

In the end we did the number crunch and Howie and I committed to making this venue work, even if it meant cutting out other things. We had "the feeling" and we were gonna run with it. Its been almost 3 months since making that decision and I am still thrilled and excited envisioning my big day happening at the venue we chose. Its going to be beautiful!

The first 2 weeks...

Since I'm now 15 months into my engagement, the next couple of posts are going to be backtracking to discuss things that have already been accomplished and the way in which we are going about this whole planning business. Hopefully this will offer some little bit of insight to those who are also/will be in my same shoes at some point.

The first 2 weeks of my engagement were a bit of a whirl-wind. As soon as he popped the question he grabbed my phone, shoved it in my hands and said "Call your mom." To my shock, I was paralyzed. I wanted nothing to do with calling my mother, or anyone actually. I wanted to just sit on the couch with Howie for hours. Just sit. And maybe cry a little. And sit some more. To this day I cannot explain my initial reaction. This was something I had wanted and been looking forward to for months. It was something I was waiting for. And yet, when it happened I couldn't believe it. I felt like my life changed in that split second.

I was far from the quintessential screaming-out-of-excitement girl you picture in your mind. Howie had to convince me for 5 minutes that I should call my parents. But I didn't want to. I wanted to keep this a secret to hoard and treasure on my own for a while. After he kept repeating how much he wanted me to call people I finally gave in. Of course, everyone was excited. I can't even count the number of times I was asked "So, how did he do it?" All of this crazy attention was extremely overwhelming. It took away from the novelty and the sparkle that moment originally possessed. To this day I don't really like to share that story. It's my story, its our moment of vulnerability and commitment to each other.

For the next couple of weeks the weirdness continued... I was not ready to start planning and it seemed that's all anyone else wanted to know about. When's the date? Who will you have in your wedding party? Have you looked at dresses online? Where will you have the wedding? Where will you have the reception? Band or DJ? What about bridesmaids dresses? What colors do you want? What flowers do you want? I'd grit back my teeth and say "I don't know yet" a million times, when all I was thinking was BACK OFF. I have no idea if this is a common reaction - but if any of you have experienced this as well, let me know! It be nice to know I'm not completely out of my mind.

The worst part wasn't all the "others" asking the questions, though. It was my mother. Dunt. dunt. duhhhhhh.

As soon as Howie put the ring on my finger I blurted "We don't have to get married until 2013," which was to his relief (he had been hoping for a longer engagement).  My mother immediately assumed we'd get married 12-18 months later...She was not a happy camper when I told her we were thinking summer '13. But I realized in that moment I needed time. Time to breath, time to enjoy this new status, time to get my mind straight, and time to plan. She, too, started asking the same questions listed above, and any time I'd offer a thought, she'd counter with her own idea and how I had to listen to her because 'this was her gift to me.' That got old real fast and after about a month of being on completely different pages it became clear that this was not the time to plan. I mandated that we were going to take this slow and we were going to avoid arguing as much as possible.

This brings me to my two cents, if you will. If you feel anything like I've described, its okay to put your foot down. This process requires happy, level headed people working together. If you are feeling this way, know you are not alone! In a world where this thing is so hyped up and girls are expected to be giddy and have everything already planned in their minds since childhood, realize that is just not reality.

A word of advice: If you are debating between a long engagement vs a short one, I definitely advocate for the pros of a long engagement. It has been the best decision. I've had time to calmly discuss things with my mother that we don't agree on, I have felt no pressure or rush yet, and it gives me time to do my due diligence when it comes to research and deciding on the details I think are important. We started making some final decisions and commitments at the start of this year so I had my time to enjoy being engaged without the pressure all last year. I, personally, needed that time to process everything, to mentally make the switch in my mind that this is all real; it's no longer a hypothetical dream.

If you still have hot pants for a wild and fast romance, at least take a pause of time to put planning on the back burner and just enjoy that moment of being engaged. If you rush ahead without processing and enjoying simply being engaged, you will miss out. Whether its for a week or two, a month, or in my case a year, take that moment and breath it in; that's the moment you are living. 

Intro to an Engagement

If you've read my last couple of posts you know I just completed my pre-cana, which therefore spills the beans that I'm engaged. With that said, you can safely expect to read about the woes of my wedding planning here over the next many months. Here is my launching pad for this theme.

August 20-23, several years ago - The meeting

It was orientation at Villanova. I can't recall which day exactly it was, but at some point during these first couple of days we had our very first floor meeting. In the common room of St. Monica's 4th floor we gathered. My roommates and I sat in a corner next to the table and waited. The room filled and finally Regina, the RA, got us to focus. We were to introduce ourselves, state where we were from, and give a fun-fact. To this day when meeting new people in a group I still try giving fun facts... it became that ingrained in me during my time at Villanova. Regina threw a ball to someone to get things started. Things barely began rolling before two boys walked in late. There were no seats left so they sat on the table next to me. I was quiet and listening attentively as the ball was passed. However, the one kid kept trying to make comments in my ear. Excuse me buddy, why are you talking to me? Instead of saying this, I gave a nervous smile and diverted eye-contact. He continued to try talking to me until finally the ball was in my hand.  

"Hi, I'm Jessica, I'm from Connecticut, and I'm a Giants Football fan." By the end of that sentence my face was bright red and I couldn't get rid of the ball fast enough. With such nerves, how could I remember what I said that day? Because my now-fiance tells me that statement was the reason he kept talking to me from then on...  mostly because of his disdain for the Giants, but also because of intrigue that I used that as my fun-fact. 

After a year of friendship, I finally realized I had feelings for this kid who had been my buddy all through freshmen year. My roommate, Katie, ratted me out eventually and so Howie, who already had some interest, and I started the awkward transition from buddies to boyfriend/girlfriend. We had our ups and our downs. We studied abroad in separate countries, we lived in different cities, we were interested in different professions, we had different groups of friends. We grew into ourselves and learned from eachother. Our best qualities rubbed off, and we started breaking down the worst qualities. Some days we were vinegar and oil, other days we were two peas in a pod. Our bond was unconditional.

December 20, 2010 - The engagement

We had been living together at that point for 6 months, I was halfway through my didactic year of PA school; he was working in the city. It was Christmas time, and therefore there is a cheesy proposal story that comes along with our engagement. Unfortunately, Howard would murder me if I shared it, so we'll save walking that tight-rope for another day. The point is, this was the day my life as Howard & Jessica really became Howard & Jessica. 

Since my engagement, part of me has been a bit upside down. I have no experience with even attending weddings and few close contacts to draw information from about how to plan a wedding. If you know me, you know my mother and I often don't see eye to eye, which can be straining. I also have a tendency for neurotic tantrums (often dealt with by Howie) in times of great stress. Essentially, the "getting engaged" part was easy, its the "after" that is the mysterious, challenging, and exciting.

To Villanova we go...

V for Villanova, V for Victory
B for blue and W for white,
with the blue and the white we will fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight....
For Villanova, Fight for victory,
For we're out to win the fray, Villanova leads the way
With a capital V for Victory!

I LOVE my alma mater. The very first time I visited back when I was a lowly junior in high school I actually was sick and fought with my parents to stay home. Of course, I didn't have a fever and wasn't vomiting, so in my mother's book I was not sick. First stop was a teeny tiny school up near Scranton, PA. It was cloudy and drizzly and my mother's pick. Naturally, I had no interest in it. Then we drove the 2 hours down to Philly. Fortunately the sun was shining and it was April so the flowers were in bloom. We got to campus and my world changed. It was vibrant, people were everywhere, and they were having fun. My dad and I were solicited at the Oreo (space in the middle of campus where people gather) to participate in various on-goings being hosted by different groups on campus.

On our tour, we got the traditional Villanova speeches and dramatizations. The most memorable for me: "Pick your date before you pick you mate" There was a ubiquitously known rumor that the waiting list to get married at St. Thomas of Villanova was 4 years. Yes, FOUR YEARS. So the tease was to put your name down because, also a ubiquitously believed rumor, Villanovans often marry other Villanovans.

I was in love! All I could talk about was Villanova. And that church - it was the most beautiful parish church I had seen. White stone, pink marble floor. I was convinced I would attend this school and I was convinced I would get married in that church. It was the first dream and goal I had as a person (as opposed to a child). Everything to that point in my life was step-wise and determined; Villanova I would choose. And I did. I applied early action, was accepted and cried in a way I had never cried. I was not sad, I was not hurt. I was so relieved this dream was coming true, and the tears came rolling. It was the first time I cried out of happiness.

I could go on and on about Villanova ad nauseum. Mostly because it is the place were I became me. It is also the place I will be getting married to another Villanovan next year (2013). So why am I writing about this now? Because we are off to Pre-Cana tomorrow at Villanova! I am so excited to be going back after not having visited in 2 years. I don't know what is in store for us as far as pre-cana goes, but I have already begun preparing for the nostalgia that is about to ensue and planning how I will hit up all of my favorite stomping grounds while I am there this weekend. Wish me luck - there's a lot to accomplish!